Sunday, November 3, 2013

A Daughter's Response

My previous post was a post written by my dad and his response to the whole situation.  The specific part I want to respond to is where he said this:

"As a believer in Jesus, I wanted to respond in the proper way.  Don't know if it was right or ever will be, but my thoughts went to what to do now to help my family.  You see, as a father and husband, the hardest thing I have dealt with is failing.  Failing to protect my daughter.  As I look back on it, my failure was the reason for the embarrassment.  My kids, my family are a reflection of me and ultimately of Jesus.  When something like this happens, you find out where you are in your relationship or walk with the Lord.  Is your foundation or trust and well-being on your image of how people see you and think of you and how things are going in your life, which is pride, or is it on THE ROCK - JESUS?"

It breaks my heart that my father sees MY failures as HIS failures.  However, that is a great dad's heart, and I have the greatest dad in the world.  However, this was not his fault in ANY way. He couldn't have changed it.  I am stubborn, and God had to allow things to happen to get my attention.

You see, I have a very strong-willed, independent personality.  I have ALWAYS struggled with the balance between faith and works.  Faith without works is dead, but we are saved by grace through faith alone.  My issue is, I wanted to get myself right, and then go to God perfect and flawless.  That's not how it works.  If I could do it without God, I wouldn't need him and He wouldn't be who He is.  So, right before I got pregnant, I was doing pretty good.  However, I was doing it in my own strength instead of my Saviors.  As much as I hate all the heart-ache I have caused those I love, I am thankful for my story and my heartaches, because without them, I would still be religious without even realizing it.  I hate "religion" and I was doing it in complete oblivion.  I was studying the word and trying to be a "good" Christian, but not really depending on my Savior.  That's pointless.  

God used this situation for great, amazing things!  I have focused more on my relationship with God than my works, more on what Christ did than what I do, and more on what I can do for my Savior than what He can do for me.  That's what we are supposed to do, and it took this to get me here, so it is completely worth it in my eyes.  

I am so thankful for my father's heart, but so broken at the thought of him seeing himself as a failure in my weaknesses and the journey God had to take me on.  However, if he sees my failures as his, he has to see my successes as his also.  So, he should feel very proud at this point!  Not because I am great, but because God has done a great, powerful, hands-on evident work in my life, and is continuing to do it!  I am so thankful for my families love and patience with me-which is just a tiny reflection of the love and patience our Lord and Savior has for us as well.